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Monday, April 8, 2013

When "OH GOODNESS" Just Won't Cut It!



©Disney


The most magical place on earth?  Not all the time, for all people, I'm afraid. It boggles my mind, yet I see it often in Disney Parks.  It would seem that a few get caught up in crowds and lines and misbehaving kiddos.  Sometimes everyone in the party is overly tired, poisoned by their aching feet or have an excruciating emptiness in their pocketbook.  No matter the reason, it causes some to be blind to the magic surrounding them. I have no idea if it's an innate characteristic or a learned one, but either way, it's a crying shame.  I have a theory though, I don't think these people know about Fastpasses.

Sometimes… those who are cursed with magic-blindness….


cuss.


I know, I know.  I wonder if they sell Rose-colored Glasses in that kiosk outside Epcot?  Just in case another method needs to be employed…I have divulged a plan.

Muhahaha...

Oh wait...I didn't say evil plan.  I just really, really like saying "muhahaha."


To quote the long lost Jungle Cruise Skipper, "Watch your head.  If you don't watch your head, watch your mouth.  There are children on board."
Children, as well as people who'd rather not have their escape from reality tainted.  Just saying.

So, I have compiled a nice list of expletive alternatives.  It's a public service, really.  We should all print it out and carry with us in case of looming distress.  For that matter, print two.  You can give the extra to that over-heated, sunburned guy with three rambunctious children…. who rolled into the park just after extra magic hours ended.  


For starters, pick a food, any food.
Food substitutions work well in almost any situation.  There is a good chance that if somebody is cranky, that somebody is also hungry.


"Holy Guacamole!"   Not only delicious on Tortilla chips.  Serve a heaping bowl of this in pleasant company over the alternative.

"Oh Pickles!"  Crunchy, yet satisfying! 

"Cheese and crackers!"  This is for your lower tier frustrations, I realize, but if you can get the hang of this, you are headed in the right direction!

"What the fruit?"  For when you really want to juice somebody!  Ba-dum-cha!



Take the hint from Disney Channel:
See, even Disney realizes that some emotions need proper wording.


"Oh Snap!"  Raven from That's So Raven

"Holy Christmas nuts!"  Milton from Kickin' It

"Sweet Nibblets!"  Miley from Hanna Montana

"Aw nuts!"  Amy from Good Luck, Charlie

"Zut Allure!"  Chef from The Little Mermaid


Ok…I'm bringing out the big guns now.  
The following terms are for use in emergencies only and need no further explanation.  


"Got Dandruff!"

"Son of a botulism!"

"Mother Scratcher!"


Sorry I had to go there, folks.  Desperate times call for desperate antidotes.  I know I can't make everyone see Disney the way I do, try as I may (The up-side of that is, if I could make everyone see the joy, Disney Parks would be even MORE crowded…Yay for magic-blindness???).  However, we can all do our eansy-weansy part to help clean up the noise pollution.  Chances are, if one of these phrases is substituted for …something else that could have been said…everyone may end up laughing and finding the joy after all.

Oh Snap!


XO, Ami



Expletive Alternative Cheat Sheet:

"Holy Guacamole!"  

"Oh Pickles!"  

"Cheese and crackers!"  

"What the fruit?" 

"Oh Snap!"  

"Holy Christmas nuts!"  

"Sweet Nibblets!"  

"Aw nuts!"  

"Got Dandruff!"

"Son of a botulism!"

"Mother Scratcher!"



15 comments:

  1. "Holy canoli" is my favorite, mainly because rhyming is fun.

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  2. This is too funny! You've given me some fresh new ideas. :) My go-to is "cheese and rice!". Or to borrow from Jessie/Pixar "Sweet mother of Abraham Lincoln!"

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  3. I personally use "fiddlesticks" and "son of a biscuit eater" in emergencies. Doggone, dangit, shishkabobs (another food one) are for just mild frustration.

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